Just while I'm currently thinking about it...I feel like the students here work alot harder than the student in the US. I don't know. I mean I think I definately work my ass off during the semester. It's so weird, cause like if I don't have any deadlines, or obligations, or responsibilities...I'm lazy, don't feel like working out, don't feel like doing ANYTHING, but when I'm in the middle of the semester, and exams are coming up, projects are due, and paper are due too...I feel on top on the world...I'll go to school, go to work, go to the gym, workout, eat clean, and I love and enjoy every minute of the chaos!! So maybe I'm an all or nothing type of girl?!?!?! I think also, when I get back to the states that I won't take naps during the middle of the day like I used to. If I had a couple hours between classes, I would run home, nap and then get up and run to class. Didn't really help, actually made me more tired at the end of the day. ANYWAY, I don't get to nap here, even though at times I REALY REALLY REALLY WANT TO!!!!!! GOD, I WANT TO SO BAD SOMETIMES, but then I don't and its fine...end of story.
Can I just say that I love life after that whole depression, adjustment period? I had to just really think about it like that and give myself a little bit of a break. So I told myself, "ok, Vanessa...even you've been out of the country before, you've never been by yourself. I know you can handle it, so it feels kinda shitty to be alive right now, but it won't be like that for too much longer...just truck through it (that's what Lan and I always say when we are in the middle of something ATROCIOUS, usually school related...I miss that girl, like crazy...I feel like I always took our living together for granted, like it was going to be that way forever or something :( she's definately one of the greatest people I know though), just truck through it and everything will be fine." And it was.
I ate some persimmons the other day, I call them gam...I've called them gam since I was little little, traditional after meal fruit in Korea. And it made me miss my mom. I'm studying memory association with two separate stimuli that once paired can be activated on its own without the other pair. Maybe I'm a complete dork for making this correlation but its true!!! And the feeling for wanting my mom was so strong. She's one amazing woman. She's so cute when she talks..she kinda just rambles...the last email I read from her hit me kind of weirdly...maybe cause I was high, considering you always think "more deeply and abstractly" when you are under the influence of THC...but this one email was just a perfect representation of my mom. The best emails I've gotten are from my dad telling me to not worry about stuff. That he's got everything taken care of. It's a good feeling. He asked me today if I had been keeping up with this mandatory journal...hope he doesn't think he's going to get to read it, haha.
Hajra's emails and convos are on a whole other level...thats all I can say about that. really. Now that i'm thinking...I know I said I was a doer, but I think alot too...but i wonder if I can just send a link to Dr. Fitz (my blog link) as is....or...........if I'll get "in trouble". I'm going to straight up ask her how much "raw" material she wants for my journal... that would suck if I had to go through and edit stuff. I mean, I understand that I'm here on a government grant, strickly to do research, but c'mon. I'm still a human being. And a fairly young and naive one at that!!
So Diego called me last night. Interesting conversation. Which I thought went ok. It's hard to talk on the phone though...at least in person you can use hand gestures etc etc to fill in what verbal conversation will not. It was fun. Just because I have a phone now, so I feel like I actually live here...and we were like texting back and forth. He wanted to call, but I told him I was at the gym and to call when I got done...stuff I'd say back home, haha. but instead I'm in Brasil talking to someone in english and portuguese!!!!! He wants to cook dinner for me friday night. So I think that would be ok, he lives in Lagoa, so worst case senerio I can walk home if the situation gets to the point of where I'm completely over it!!!! I offered to bring a bottle of wine...just thought that it say alot about my character (haha, am I analyzing this bottle of wine too much, maybe but just think about what you think about someone who brings natty lites or someone who brings a decent bottle of wine...exactly!! you think trashy and easy...and classy and not so easy)
Been having some pretty good talks with the people in my lab...specifically those who have some sort of interest in my particular research project. I want to go all out for it. Which is why I'm here in a lab, with rats, at 7pm...its cool though, I really like it!!! I could totally do this lifestyle. I don't want to give up medical school though, I've worked so hard to build my resume for that so I'm thinking MD/PhD...I know!!!!!!!!! Maybe I could get into UTHSC then do research abroad. Or go to St. George's Medical school, which would have me in the West Indies and Europe, and do research wherever?!?!? I definately want to experience more of other countries. I think studying abroad is GREAT!!!!! Speaking of...trying to do a semester abroad Spring 2011...shhhh....don't tell anyone just yet :)
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