I've decided to make "Brasil 2010 Soundtrack" album consisting of all the songs that I fell in love with while here. I think I'll even use my new photobucket skills and create a sick album cover with the pictures I've taken :)
I'm getting everything that I wanted out of this experience. To see how independent I was, to see how I would handle certain situations that I had no control over, to change by growing and maturing. I feel like I've done all those things. It's weird the people that I've missed since being here that maybe when I was home I took for granted. My attitude was no doubt selfish...oh I have alot of school work to do, blah blah blah...but it was just like, well I see these people everyday, they should just understand that, yes, I do love them differently than I love most people, even if I don't show it or say it. what?!?! yeah, thats dumb. But I'm not big on discussing emotions. That's changed for sure. maybe because I can't see these people everyday and the ONLY way that they would know that I thought about them or loved them was to tell them. I said I wasn't big on DISCUSSING emotions but I'm actually a very emotional person. Alot of what I "go" by is how something makes me feel. If I don't like how something or someone makes me feel then I get rid of it. simple as that. Maybe I wasn't so apt to giving out information about myself, because I thought it would make me vulernable...who knows...all I know is that something inside me was slowing dying until I started telling the people I love and mean most to me how I feel. These are the people that make me who I am and I need them to remind me that thats the person I want to be. Its hard because there is nobody here in Brasil that I can say that about. Its just me. On my own. With only my memories of "who I was" to guide me. I just realized that the people I cared about the most, the least time I spent with...Candi, Lan, my parents....just to name a couple...completely took for granted that I would see Candi everyday at work or see Lan everyday at home. Now I have neither and it was driving me crazy how much I missed them. So the lesson to ride home with (classic Dr. Eisen quote) is that tell the people you really love how much you love them...everyday.
Which brings to Jeremy Robertson. I had the strongest urge telling me that I HAD to call him or else...it was strange, but I called him, and I felt better :) It had been 2.5 months since we had talked, and we were both different people but still the same...
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